Those Advice from My Dad That Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."